He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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