worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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