Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
