Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she peed on how many people?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
