If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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