YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize