I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
