Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
