I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
