ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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