Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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