I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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