This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
