She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
