is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm both gender and math confused
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize