lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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