Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
