Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
