Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
