is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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