Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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