He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
