I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The air taste purple.
Randomize
