Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize