last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
