You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
