I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
