It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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