the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
