it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
