I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize