bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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