He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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