i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
