she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
