I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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