My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
