Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
