Kiss
Puke
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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