oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
