Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
