The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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