im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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