this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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