Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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