the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
