so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
