I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
