Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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