if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
