I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
