in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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