it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
