The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
