Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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