I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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