hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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