just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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