Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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