I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
