My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
