I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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