Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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