you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize