ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
