how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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