No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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