today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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