I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
