is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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