He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
