Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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