At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
